Sudden desires
by Faith Lacking
Summary: Kanseon gives Goku and one in a lifetime chance to become a human...what will Goku do? [Chap 2 now up]
1. sadness

I don't own the sexy bishos of Saiyuki.  
  
This is basically a fic about Goku having desires to be a human, and to lead a normal life. And the consequences that would come of it. Ahhhh! Don stop reading yet! O_O!  
  
* * * * * *  
  
Sudden Desire  
  
* * * * * *  
"Stupid Monkey!"  
  
"We hate you! Get out of here!"  
  
A group of boys were in pursuit of a young youkai wearing a golden tiara on his head. The small child ran away from the larger children, bearing rocks and sticks. He rounded a turn and found a large tree for him to climb in. He latched himself to the trunk and pulled himself to a high branch where he curled up against the splintery wood. He held his knees to his chest and held back tears of anger. The boys ran under the tree and saw the youkai taking shelter in the tree.  
  
"We knew we'd find the monkey hiding in a tree!" They teased him and threw rocks at him, some not reaching him at all, and some scratching his face. He could easily beat them up, but he was lectured that he would be in big trouble if he messed with the human children. He pulled himself tighter into his ball and hoped they'd go away soon. Instead, the children started shaking the tree fiercely, causing him to lose balance and crash down from his safe haven. He looked up at the group of boys, blood trickling from his lip because of fall, as they began to surround him. They sneered at him and patted their sticks in their hands.  
  
"Look guys, monsters feel pain after all!" One said.  
  
"I don't know boys." Snickered Another, "I don't think he's suffered enough. He DID eat a week's supply of food in one day, so it's only fair we make him pay for it right?"  
  
The boys all looked at each other, then at the small boy bearing devious grins at him. The boy pulled himself up and started to back away from them, but they started bringing their wooden sticks down on him, ignoring his pleas. The boys didn't stop, enjoying the sight of the youkai bleeding and crying out in pain. They didn't stop until they heard foot steps approaching when they all ran. The youkai pulled himself to his feet and slumped away, a small trail of blood following him.  
  
He didn't stop walking, ignoring the looks on everyone's faces, the comments they made behind his back.  
  
"Looks like the little monster got into a fight again."  
  
"What can you expect? I can't believe we have to look after him"  
  
"You'd never see one of our boys looking like trash. It's quite pitiful, isn't it?"  
  
He finally reached the shrine where his guardian was, opening the door with a quivering hand. A teenaged, blonde monk looked up at the bloodied figure in his doorway, his expression indifferent. "Saru?"  
  
The boy looked at him, his gaze looking half dead as he only muttered, "Sanzo.I.didn't.cry." At this point he allowed himself to fall to the carpeted floor, his crimson blood smearing into the upholstery.  
  
Sanzo pushed away from his desk where he'd been doing paper work and walked over to the small boy. He nudged him with his foot to make sure he was still alive. The little 'saru' gasped out as a sign he wasn't dead. "Oi, you're getting my carpet dirty."  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
Goku shot up in the middle of the night, sweat dripping down his forehead as he started feeling for blood on his face. Realizing he was only dreaming, he sighed and plopped back down on the bed. He stared at the ceiling fan, swirling above him. It wobbled slightly, he had noted. He even pointed it out to Sanzo.  
  
- -  
  
"Ne, Sanzo, that doesn't look very safe to sleep under."  
  
"That's why you're sleeping in this room, baka saru."  
  
"Ehhhhhh?! I don't want to be smashed by a fan!"  
  
"Not my fault." Sanzo lit a cigarette and that ended the conversation.  
  
_ -  
  
Goku thought about the conversation, then his dream. "Sanzo.doesn't seem to care about me much." He bit his lips and uttered words he thought he'd never say. "Would he like me more if I wasn't a youkai." Goku shook his head quickly. "No way. Sanzo isn't like that." He pulled raggedy covers over his small frame and tried to go to sleep, willing his mind to stop thinking about the question.  
  
What if I was normal.?  
  
What if I was a human.?  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
Dawn came too soon for the young boy as Gojyo tried to drag his body from under his covers. "Get up, you stupid monkey" The red hair man demanded as Goku just rolled over, muttering about food as usual. Gojyo grabbed the earth child by the collar of his pajamas and pulled him to the side of the bed, dropping him to the hard wood floor. Goku shot up from the ground and immediately started screaming at him.  
  
"What was that for ya perverted kappa!?"  
  
"Just shut up and get ready. Lazy ass, saru. We were all packed to leave hours ago."  
  
Goku glared at Gojyo with his golden eyes as he sighed and grabbed his usual garb, throwing it on quickly. He gathered his things, pretty much all he had was some food and his Nyoi Bo. Goku rushed outside the inn where the other already stood, waiting for him. Sanzo was finishing one of his cigarettes as he pulled it from his lips and tossed it to the ground. Hakkai and Gojyo had already jumped in the jeep, taking their usual places. Goku hopped in the back of the vehicle and laid back against the side. The previous day they had gotten into a fight with a band of rouge youkai that was causing terror among the village. It wasn't hard to defeat them, but the Sanzo party was tired and hungry from traveling.  
  
The villagers weren't much help. After seeing the kind of power the men had, they were afraid to come near them. As the party got into their jeep, the commoners started heading inside their homes in fear. Children were pulled off the street by scared mothers. Even the animals seemed scared of them. Goku slightly noticed but shrugged it off. It wasn't until he heard a conversation between a young boy and his father that he felt a twinge of pain in his chest.  
  
"Daddy? Why can't I play with Lily today?"  
  
"You can go see her after the monsters leave."  
  
Goku was ready to retort but Gojyo just pulled on his orange cape, shaking his head. Goku looked down at the floor of the jeep and sighed to himself. "Why can't they understand?"  
  
"What's wrong with you Saru?"  
  
"I was just thinkin'."  
  
"That's rare for a little monkey like you." Gojyo taunted.  
  
"Ha ha." and that was the end of the conversation to the Halfling's surprise.  
  
The car lurched forward and they headed west. Goku was quieter than usual, Sanzo noticed this because he and the older youkai weren't causing head ache inducing quarrels. He was almost worried, but brushed it off. He'll start complaining for food any minute now, the monk thought. About an hour passed as the group drove into a thick forest.  
  
"The next town is about 5 miles away," Hakkai announced in his cheery tone. "We just need to get through this forest-"  
  
"Which you won't."  
  
A voice was heard from the tree tops as the four men looked around. "Who the hell?" questioned Sanzo. "I don't want to deal with another moronic youkai." Goku looked up at hearing Sanzo say the word "Youkai" and felt very small. An annoying laughed filled their ears as several average youkai came out from the shadows of the tree tops.  
  
"Hello Sanzo party. We were sent by Homura Sama to steal the sutra from you." One of them said with a toothy smirk.  
  
Gojyo grinned at the average looking youkai. "I was starting to get bored." He stated as he pulled out his weapon (I forgot the name). Gojyo sliced away at the tree the demon was in and it crashed to the ground, but he had already escaped to another tree.  
  
"Too slow!" they taunted the red haired half demon and threw a few smoke bombs at the group, causing them to scatter. They struggled to see through the fog but couldn't see anything. The jeep reverted into its dragon form, Hakaryuu, and perched on Hakkai's shoulder trilling softly.  
  
"I know, Hakaryuu, I can't see anything either.we'll just have to be really careful wont we?"  
  
"Kyu?"  
  
"Gojyo? Goku? Sanzo?" Hakkai tried to search for his friends as smoke bombs kept blowing up around him.  
  
Goku and Gojyo had both run after separate youkai while Sanzo was evading explosions. Goku caught up with one of them, and summoned his Nyoi Bo. He extended it out far so that the youkai would get tripped up while jumping from tree to tree. Goku's plan succeeded as the monster tumbled in front of him. The young boy grinned childishly and poked his Bo stick at the youkai's face.  
  
"Not very smart to mess with us!"  
  
The youkai looked horrified and shielded himself on the ground. "Please don't hurt me!" He begged. Goku pulled away his Bo stick, getting a slight flash back of the dream he had and stepped back feeling ashamed for a moment. He shook his head quickly and pointed the Nyoi Bo accusingly.  
  
"You guys planned on killing us! Why should I?"  
  
"We're no different from you! You're a youkai like us right?! I can sense it!"  
  
Goku gritted his teeth. "I'M NOTHING LIKE YOU!" he yelled, driving his weapon through the monster's chest. The monster cried out before disintegrating into the earth, leaving behind an unused smoke bomb. Goku picked up the bomb looking at it curiously when suddenly he heard a familiar voice.  
  
"Fucking youkai."  
  
The next thing he heard was the sound of a trigger clicking, and a gun being fired. All he could see was blackness.  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
He didn't know how. He didn't know when. But the next thing Goku was doing was running. His mind was racing a mile a minute. Was Sanzo trying to kill me? .NO! That's not something Sanzo would do.is it? He could feel a slight pain in his cheek where the bullet grazed him. He could feel his eyes burning with tears, thinking that Sanzo had betrayed him. He kept running no where in particular, he just needed to get as far away as he could. The words Sanzo said rang in his ears.  
  
'Fucking youkai..'  
  
He kept running until he reached a lake. He plopped down on hands and knees staring at his breathless form in the clear water. He examined himself, he looked like a human, he acted human, but why was he treated so badly? Goku dug his fingers into the ground as a tear rolled off his cheek and into the water.  
  
"If I could have one wish.I'd wish I was human like everyone else."  
  
A bright light shone above him followed by the sound of a deep woman's voice. "Son Goku, is that what you really want?"  
  
Goku stood to his feet and looked up quickly, seeing a woman float down from the heavens, none other than the goddess of mercy, Kanseon Bosatsu. He took a step back. "It's you." he said rather flatly.  
  
Kanseon winked at the small boy. "Sou, I've come to ask you a question, Son." She stood on the water and faced Goku, smirking lightly. "I heard your cry from heaven. Is that what you really want?"  
  
Goku looked befuddled. "What are you talking about?"  
  
"Do you want to be a weak, ordinary human, Son Goku?"  
  
Goku couldn't believe she was asking him this. "Can.you do that?"  
  
Kanseon made a shrilled laugh. "I am the goddess of mercy, I can do anything!" Goku looked at the ground as she walked forward to him, her feet still floating above the surface. She held his chin and made eye contact with him. "Son Goku, I am asking you one more time. Do you want to be human?"  
  
* * * * * * *  
Yeah, sort of a cliff hanger. But I think you know what he'll say. I felt like trying something different, I saw a lot of 'Goku looses Memory fics' and decided that I wanted to be original. Oh yeah, there's not gonna be much yaoi (sorry fans!) Hopefully I'll actually FINISH this fic.it's only gonna have one more chapter maybe. 


	2. amusement

I don't own the sexy bishos of Saiyuki.  
  
Writing the rest of this fic in Goku's POV, since I enjoy writing fics this way.  
  
Sudden Desire 2  
  
I stared at this woman for a long time; her expression gave away nothing as she just gazed into my eyes with a wide smirk spread across her face. I couldn't tell if she was being truthful or not. I clenched my fist as a knot formed in my throat. After a few moments I finally replied to her question.  
  
"Why are you willing to do this.I'm sure there is something you want from me." My voice felt so strange to me, as if I was using it for the first time. My brain was screaming at me to run away from this crazy woman, yet my heart wanted so badly for me to just agree. Yes! Make me a human! Let me go a day without having to worry about someone trying to kill me because I am a 'traitor' to the demon world!  
  
She looked thoughtful, as if trying to figure out how to respond to my question. The goddess bent over and put her hand under my chin, pulling my face towards her. I winced slightly, not willing to be almost nose to nose with her and she said in a haughty tone;  
  
"I've been watching you a long time, saru. And I am enjoying the story you and your cute little friends are creating. But I like to step in every now and then when I see fit." She winked at me as I tried to pull myself from her strong grip. "There is nothing I want from you, except for you to entertain me."  
  
She released her grip on me and I rubbed my chin in disbelief. "You.find us amusing?" I asked raising an eyebrow.  
  
The woman laughed arrogantly. "Why yes you could say something like that. Now what do you say, kid? Are you going to continue entertaining me and choose becoming what you so desire, or shall I leave you now?"  
  
I was silent. Damn, this crazy old lady made me feel like some kind of toy. I was ready to turn around and leave, hoping to forget about this entire ordeal until she stifled a lazy yawn and said.  
  
"I won't give you this opportunity ever again. If you turn me down now you'll miss your only chance at happiness."  
  
She had me, and she knew she did. I faced her once again, my golden eyes being pierced by hers. I swallowed my pride and uttered the words she wanted to hear.  
  
"Make me human."  
  
* * * *  
  
Sanzo fumbled in his pocket for a fresh cigarette, 2 already lay on the ground, this was his third. He inhaled the smoke calmly as Gojyo and Hakkai sat quietly inside the jeep, still waiting for their fourth member to return to them.  
  
"It's been over an hour." Gojyo remarked eyeing the monk. "Don't you think we should look for him?"  
  
Sanzo's expression was indifferent as he replied in a cold tone, "The Saru's stupid, but not weak. He's fine." He puffed on his cigarette coolly as the red haired half youkai sighed in irritation.  
  
"Right, and how much longer do you expect we wait, oh worldly monk?" he said feigning mock sincerity.  
  
"How ever long we need to."  
  
Hakkai smiled cheerfully as usual and stated rather matter-of-factly, "That won't be very long to wait."  
  
Sanzo looked at the man out of the corner of his eye. "What do you mean by that, pray tell?" His voice still had not changed from its usual monotone ways.  
  
Hakkai lifted a finger and pointed towards the words, where they all heard the slow steady sound of branches snapping and leaves rustling. And from the thick trees and bushes.  
  
* * * *  
  
I pulled myself out of the forest, with my dulled vision I could see Sanzo and the others sitting in the jeep. I smiled to myself, feeling excited. I couldn't wait to tell them what happened, but the entire ordeal drained me. It was almost as if she had sucked the energy right out of me.  
  
I remembered all the details in my head. The minute I had said the words 'Make me human' I found her pressing her lips passionately unto mine. I was completely dumbfounded, I would have pushed her away and ran if my strength had not suddenly left me. Everything felt heavy around me, even now it seemed as though 50 pounds had been thrown on me. After she had released me from that kiss I had found myself falling, rather ungracefully, to the dry grass.  
  
I don't exactly recalled what she had said, but the next thing I knew she was putting her fingers on my diadem. I struggled to push her away with my hands frantically, knowing full well what would happen if she managed to get it off. All I could her was her garbling something as she took a firm grip on my hand, disabling me from fighting back. She took hold of my power control device and pulled it right off, looking down at me with a smirk.  
  
I half expected to black out, for my body to be screaming in pain, for the back of head to burn and my eyes to forcefully squeeze shut, but strangely, nothing happened. I looked up at the prideful woman, fear evident on my face along with confusion as I saw her twirling my golden diadem around her finger. She winked at me, dropped the diadem in front of my nose, and as quickly as she came, she disappeared.  
  
After a few minutes to recover from the sheer astonishment, I pulled myself off the ground, making sure to pick up my head piece. And then I started walking, walking until I could find Sanzo and the others. Everything was a blur, and time just seemed to stand still until I found who I was looking for. I couldn't understand their expressions, Gojyo's face seemed pale and Hakkai looked rather worried, even Sanzo seemed wary.  
  
It didn't matter to me. I just smiled, feeling triumphant. I waved to them with the diadem in my grasp until I felt myself slip into unconsciousness, exhausted and worn out. I allowed myself to drop to the dirty ground as I heard pounding footsteps run towards me. Then everything went black again.  
  
* * * *  
  
Everyone had looked up towards the trees, and they saw the small boy stumble dizzily through them. Gojyo had started to make a comment when sudden he felt the blood drain from his face as he saw the diadem just dangling from Goku's grasp like a toy. He exchanged glances with Hakkai, not sure of what to think.  
  
Here was Goku, without his control device.and yet he seemed.normal? Well as normal goes for him. Sanzo remained silent, watching the boy's every move. He sure did seem like Goku, that same dopey face; there was no hint whatsoever or his deadly counter part. His eyes, even though tired and a bit blank, held no intense hatred, but instead those usual innocent, pure orbs he was used to seeing.  
  
Nobody moved, not even Goku. He just stood there dumbfounded, until he waved to them rather happily before he fell to the ground with a loud thud. Hakkai was the first to jump out of the vehicle as he raced to Goku's side, checking for any wounds. Gojyo ran up along side him as Sanzo cautiously left the jeep to also see what happened.  
  
Gojyo looked over Hakkai's shoulder. "Is he.?"  
  
Hakkai let out a sigh of relief as he looked up to his red haired friend. "He's not dead.nor injured in anyway.his head is a bit warm, so there might be a slight fever that caused him to collapse.but I'm sure the question on our minds is." he looked towards the diadem with his one good eye. "I cannot explain it."  
  
Sanzo rubbed the temples on his head, sighing loudly. "Fine. Let's go to the closet inn and figure out what's wrong with him."  
  
Gojyo smirked. "Ooooh, is the corrupted monk actually worried about his little pe-" The back of Gojyo's had was promptly greeted by Sanzo's over sized fan. The half youkai rubbed his pained skull and bent over to pick the sleeping teen up. He carried the small body over to the jeep and let him rest in his lap as Hakkai and Sanzo followed. During the entire ride, Sanzo could not keep his eyes off Goku, still wary of him not having the diadem on.  
  
There's no way this can be Goku, he thought to himself. He kept one hand on his gun as the jeep raced across the terrain.  
  
* * * *  
  
If you have read this far, congratulations, you are not dead from boredom. I know I said I'd finish this up in like.2 chapters, but I didn't really have the motivation to just finish it really quick like that. I mean there are still quite a few things I have to explain. Arrrgh, I should be banned from writing fiction X3  
  
Next chapter.um.whenever I can.you know.maybe I will have some yaoi, since I am a fan of a strange coupling. 


End file.
